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The Cost of Divorce

Once you’ve made the decision that your marriage is irretrievable broken, you will likely consider moving onto the next step. For most, the next step is seeking a legal divorce so both parties can move on with their lives as separate, individual people, rather than a couple. the-cost-of-divorceFor those just beginning the process of a divorce, one of the major questions that come up is whether or not a divorce is expensive. The answer isn’t as cut and dry as some may hope. Some divorces are simple, quick, and relatively inexpensive, while others can be rather long processes that can cost an exorbitant amount of money.

Types of Divorce

In the state of California you can file for divorce in one of three ways. You can either file for a summary dissolution, an uncontested divorce or a contested divorce. A summary dissolution is the quickest form of divorce, and in most cases the cheapest. Generally, a summary dissolution is only granted to couples who have been married for five years or less, and do not have any children together. An uncontested divorce is granted to a couple who have agreed to the terms of the divorce outside of court. In this case, the divorce proceedings simply include the filing of appropriate forms and paperwork before the divorce can be granted. The price of an uncontested divorce simply include the price of court fees, and any legal counsel you may have obtained for the purpose of filing.

Finally, a contested divorce, is a divorce in which one party or both parties fail to agree to the terms of the divorce. In these cases, outside mediation has not worked, and the divorce terms must go before a judge to be finalized. Contested divorces are the most expensive type of divorces, and in some cases, can take several years to finalize.

The Price of Divorce 

In the state of California, a couple who wishes to obtain a summary dissolution can file for relatively cheap. Lawyers do not have to be involved in this process, although it is a good idea to speak with a lawyer prior to filing, or to get help during the filing process. In most cases, paralegals can help with this type of paperwork. The filing costs for a summary dissolution, in most counties in California, is between $300 and $450. In San Francisco, specifically, this type of filing costs court fees of $450.

An uncontested divorce can be obtained by simply filing the necessary paperwork and appearing for any court hearings that may be scheduled. Hearing are generally not necessary in this type of divorce, and hearing are usually granted for free. The filing costs for an uncontested divorce is roughly $450 in most counties in California, including in the San Francisco area. Similar to a summary dissolution, it is important to speak with a lawyer prior to the filing of divorce papers, to ensure you are protected during the process.

Contested divorces can become extremely expensive because the court fees and attorney fees associated with them add up quickly. According to recent statistics, the average contested divorce can cost upwards of $20,000. The cost of these divorces are directly attributed to the attorney fees and the court fees associated with multiple hearings, as well as mediation meetings, and other associated attempts to come to an amicable agreement between the parties. A divorce can be contested on the ground of finances, child custody, or the division or property.

 
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Posted by on June 3, 2014 in Divorce

 

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The Effects of Divorce on Children

the-effects-of-divorce-on-childrenRecent research shows that when divorces occur especially early in a child’s development s/he will have a harder time later connecting with parents. If divorce occurs when a child is between the ages of three and five children show a high level of feelings of insecurity towards one or both parents than if the child had experienced the divorce when s/he was older, and perhaps in a more resilient position to handle the trauma of a parental separation.

Attachment Theory: Specific Versus Diffuse Insecurity 

The basic tenet of attachment theory is that an infant, or very young child, needs to have a healthy relationship with at least one parent, usually the primary caregiver, to have healthy social and emotional interactions with others later in life. Although parents are justifiably concerned about how their divorce will subsequently impact their children, research tends to show that children later in life only have a problem with fostering a relationship with their parents, rather than their peers and others.

That is, there’s a prevailing theory in psychology and in the public consciousness that children of divorce will suffer negatively in all their adult relationships because of an early divorce. This is not what research in attachment theory and divorce actually shows, however.

Research from the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin shows that insecurity among children of divorce is selective rather than diffuse. This means that children of divorce don’t later have problems with all of their relationships into adulthood (peer, employee-boss, romantic, etc.) but rather children of divorce only struggle with forging a deeper bond with their parents. This makes future relationship problems specific to their parents rather than diffuse across settings and individuals.

Childhood Versus Adolescent Response to Divorce

Other research shows that children younger than age nine and adolescents from nine to around thirteen respond to divorce in fundamentally different ways. Although the lifestyle challenges for children and adolescents alike can be similar – e.g., trips from one household to another and only rarely experiencing both parents together – can be a challenging way to negotiate middle school and eventually high school.

It is very interesting to note that if a child under age nine experiences a divorce the tendency is for that child to have an increased dependence whereas with an adolescent the pattern is the reverse, and the tendency in adolescents experiencing divorce is towards independence. It seems that younger children tend to show more of a regressive reaction to divorce whereas older adolescents tend to react in a more aggressive and independent way to parental separation.

Coping Mechanisms in Young Children 

Very young children tend to buy into the narrative that mommy and daddy are going to reconcile and that divorce isn’t as permanent as it is in reality. It is difficult to convince some children under age nine that divorce is a lasting situation and that these lifestyle changes (e.g., being shuttled between mom’s house and dad’s apartment) is how things are going to be from now on. Some psychologists worry that a parent’s unwillingness to be direct and honest about the finality of the separation could exacerbate a child’s false hope of a parental reconciliation.

Young children, moreover, may exhibit the following symptoms in their inability or unwillingness to accept the divorce for what it is:

–  Excessive crying, moping and tantrums

–  Fear of Separation

–  Bed wetting or unconcern with caring for self

All of these symptoms serve to re-garner the parent’s attention. This is in line with the regression that young children of divorce can show – the underlying pattern is towards greater dependency.

 
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Posted by on May 12, 2014 in Effects of Divorce

 

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Divorce and Its Aftermath

Divorce and Its Aftermath

Some marriages don’t go the easy way and it’s not easy when this relationship ends. It is really difficult no matter whose side you take, or how much you wanted to save it or not. The breakup just hurts so bad that it can turn your whole world upside down and you are like left without a choice but to start all over again. This triggers anxieties and feelings that you have never felt before, and it causes such disturbing painful feeling. But there are a lot of things that you can do to overcome these ill feelings in this difficult time so will be able to continually move on and get a brand new life ahead of you. From this, you can also learn to become a wiser and much stronger person than you were in the past.

Divorce carries along with it all sorts of negative uneasy emotions. Majority of those can even cause you stress that will get in between the body and mind’s ability to function normally. The best thing that you can only do for yourself is to take full control of yourself, relax and just let it go. Think about youself more and be focused on making yourself active, healthy and able to move forward than staying at the same place while crying over spilled milk. All that you need is to be harmless to yourself and bigger respect. To handle stress properly is very important in the process of healing.

If you have been through a divorce you are familiar with the range of emotions involved. There are feelings of anger, depression, remorse, regret, guilt and loss. Add to those emotions the conflict that may come with the process and a person begins to feel overwhelmed. The resources on this page will help you cope with the negative emotions you will experience, before, during and after the divorce process.

You ask, “Why do breakups hurt so bad even if the relationship itself does not feel good anymore either?”. A divorce, separation or breakup is painful because it symbolizes the pain and the loss, not just the demise of the relationship but also your promises, memories, commitments and shared dreams when you were still together. Romantic relationships inspire you to build your dream for the future and keep you high. When the relationship does fail, you also fail along with your dreams and it causes anxieties, pain, frustration and disappointment.

Recovering from a breakup or divorce is already like risking your own life as well. It’s either you take the pain and go on with the relationship, or just let it go and slip away along with your memories and bright dreams before.  It is very important to acknowledge that a time will come that you can eventually move on and live your sought brighter days. But of course, healing is a process. It takes time, patience and perseverance. While emotional support helps people go through the initially painful syumbling blocks of divorce, the essence of shoring up help for practical purposes post-divorce cannot be overstated.

 

 
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Posted by on January 2, 2014 in Family Law

 

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How to Make Co-parenting Work After Divorce

How to Make Co-parenting Work After Divorce

Co-parenting amicably with your ex can give your children stability and close relationships with both parents, but it’s not really that easy. Putting aside relationship issues to co-parent agreeably, having to see each other and speak to each other whenever it is asked can be fraught with stress. Despite being so difficult and stressful at times, it is possible to develop a cordial working relationship with your ex for the sake of your children. Knowing these strategies will make you can remain calm, stay consistent, and avoid or resolve conflict with your ex and make-joint custody work.

Arrangements as to where the custody of the children goes in favor for are most of the time very exhausting that it causes a lot of pressure and stress. It’s just so hard to think of getting past your ex husband who has once meant the world to you. It must be too consuming to deal with built-up resentment. Making shared decisions, communicating with your ex-partner, or just speaking to a person you’d want to just forget all about can seem like impossible tasks. It is true that co-parenting isn’t an easy solution, however, it is the best way to ensure your children’s needs are met and they are able to retain close relationships with both parents.

It will help a lot if you start thinking of your relationship with your ex as a completely new one, and it should largely benefit your children. Remember that your marriage may be over but your family remains. You have to consider what will do best for your children. The most important part of being mature and responsible parent is to always put your children’s needs ahead of your own.

The way to good co-parenting is to set priority on your children alone. Avoid thinking about the hate and the past arguments you had with your ex-partner. It’s normal to think of this as a very difficult part of the process. You have to set aside the resentment, anger, hurt and disappointment all for the sake of your children. In other words, you must take a back seat to the needs of your children. It is hard to set aside your strong feelings to cooperate well with your ex for the welfare of your children, but it is also the most important. Co-parenting is not about your hurt, despair or anxiety blues or those of your ex-spouse, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability, and future well-being.

 
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Posted by on December 22, 2013 in Family Law, Legal Rights, Parenting

 

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Coping with Divorce

No one enters into marriage and intentionally breaks the relationship thereafter. Splitting up is still a decision of two individuals who used to love and care for each other as if they were not aware of the ill upshot after years of togetherness and shared pleasures. Though it is a rapidly increasing condition among wedded couples especially in the Western area where it is prevalent, people who are involved are not easily accustomed to the breakup. It is not easy to live differently from the way you used to live, and it is so much painful to think of the beautiful connection which later on turned out morbid and futile. It must be so hard to live differently from the life you once vowed to live to for the rest of your life with someone who once mattered the whole world to you.  This situation gradually reveals a lot of emotions including anger, anxiety, despair, worry, fear and the loss of confidence.

 During a divorce, it is not only the estranged couples who suffer from this atrocious situation. The children are actually the ones who are more stressed and vehemently damaged by this. This is a sad and confusing part wherein they are likely to feel uncertain, uneasy and angry. But no matter what this process brings, this should and must be dealt well with all due acceptance. While the procedure is ongoing, the parents take the biggest responsibility to let their children understand and accept this unexpected happening in their lives. They should exert full effort to help the kids cope with divorce by reassuring them their needs and providing them stability.

It is normal for kids going through their parents’ divorce to get puzzled and be physically rebellious at some point. But this should never stop the parents to take utmost control of them and prioritize them more than their yearning for their own freedom or their quest for another love. It is understandable that this shall bring mixed emotions which include anxiety, distress and emotional troubles, that is why the parents should at least let the children speak their minds and in the long run explain to them that there are just things that do not last and are not meant to be. It is very important for the presence of the parents’ care, support and supervision to be felt by the children so as not to cause them so much hurt and grief. These feelings shall pass and will soon subside no matter how long it takes. All you need is patience and kindness to your own self so you won’t find yourself  messing up again with what was already done in the past.

 

 

 
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Posted by on August 1, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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